Thursday, February 28, 2008

Magic Nectar Party!

My lovely neighbor, Shira, is having a party to debut Monavie, the drink that is supposed to be a superjuice for your health. Come check it out for yourselves! Here is what Shira had to say:

Please join Shira Green for a tasting of the super health drinkMona Vie, made from the Brazilian Acai berry,considered one of the top ten super foods by many health experts including Dr. Oz of Oprah fame. There's a list of famous people who drink it and say they'venever felt better, and you will too! It's also a great direct marketing opportunity, which if you ask Warren Buffet, is the next big thingin consumer sales. The drink tastes good, makes you feel great, and canearn you a nice chunk of change. Come check it out on Wednesday, March 12, at 6:30pm 55 W. 92nd St. #1G between Central Park West and Columbus Avenue.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Participate in a Glamour Magazine Do's and Don't's Poll!

Good morning y'all,

If, like me, your lifelong dream has been to participate in a Do's and Don't's style poll for Glamour Magazine, you are in luck! A woman I know does freelance work for them, and she is currently looking for ladies to answer the following question:

Guys with 2 earrings, a do or a don't?

If you are interested in responding, please let me know via the comments and I will send you the contact information.

Happy answering!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Keep Your Sanity: Avoid These Ten Types of Toxic Men

Sex and the City, the visual bible for savvy women of this generation, popularized the term toxic bachelor, otherwise known as cads, rakes and players. Basically, these are men you should stay away from, or your mental health, sense of self worth and possibly your bank account will be compromised.

Now, CNN and have teamed up to advise the strong women of the world on how to maintain their power, by avoiding the following ten types of toxic men. This article originally came out in 2003, but the fact that they repeated it shows the continuing need to issue this advice.

Read up and listen to your instincts. Remember: YOU are #1!!!

Ten guys women should run from
By Pam Houston
One guy is needier than quicksand. Another is jealous of your cocker spaniel. A third quietly hates all womankind. Here's a list of men you should put in your rearview mirror, ASAP.

Certain clues in the way a man acts may be a hint that you need to ditch him.

Joe No-Show You meet in a city where neither of you lives, at a convention or a wedding. The calls and e-mails are making the phone lines sweat; two months later, he's begging you to visit.
You tell the woman next to you on the plane that, after years of searching, you think you've met The One, and the two of you giggle with anticipation all the way to baggage claim.

Thirty minutes later, when the carousel stops going around, she looks at you with deep pity and asks if she can give you a ride somewhere. That's the moment to go straight back to the ticket counter.

Mr. Jealousy At first, he'll get a little short with a waiter who flirts with you. Then he'll be exasperated by how long you and the postmaster discuss the rising price of stamps. When he points out that you and your brother hug too long to be appropriate or that your gynecologist is a lesbian and obviously has the hots for you, it's time to give him his walking papers.

However flattering his jealousies may seem in the first five minutes of your relationship, they'll get old and confining more quickly than you can imagine, and when you do finally break up with him, he will hang the scarves you left behind on your trees like nooses and follow you and the next man you date all over town.

The Bully This is the man who sits you down, grabs your arm, pulls your hair, or pokes your chest. While most of us know better than to let ourselves get socked in the mouth the way Ralph Kramden was always threatening to do to Alice (but even then never following through), there's a whole universe of more "minor" infractions in the violence department that should disqualify your new beau instantaneously (but all too often does not).

The Two-Timer For the first time since you've been dating, he's too sick to make a date. You try to ignore the fact that it happens to be your birthday, and you assemble the ingredients for your famous chicken soup. You drop it off inside his door.

Two days later, he's still sick, but you've been invited over. You ask if you can heat up some soup for him, and he says, in a small, congested voice, "That would be wonderful." You pour the soup from the Tupperware into the pot, and you see that there are mushrooms in it. Your famous chicken soup doesn't contain mushrooms. Conclude that this man has another source of soup and will continue to cheat on you for as long as you give him the chance.

The "Liberated" Man I used to have a friend who said, "I seem to have a very liberating effect on whatever man I'm dating. We go on three dates, and the next thing I know he's moved in with me, he's quit his job, and his car is up on blocks in my yard."

Certain men are more prone to this type of liberation than others, I have found: Carpenters, river guides, and flamenco guitarists all fall into the category of men who are perfectly willing to hand themselves over to the care of a good woman, as well as visual artists, stage performers, and racers (ski, bike, boat) of all kinds.

The Betrayed I seem to have dated an inordinate number of men who have just been left by a woman for a woman. In general, these men are angry beyond all reason, no matter to what lengths they may go to disguise it, and if you date one, be ready to give up all your girlfriends, or you will be accused of being a lesbian, too.

The Narcissist He doesn't like your dog? Do we even need to talk about this one? Put it at the top of the category that includes he won't make eye contact with your kid, he doesn't want to meet your sister, and he whines the first time you make plans with your girlfriend.

A man threatened by the love you have for the dog you sleep with is going to be threatened by more things than you can name. Dating him is inviting the type of conflict into your life that will make you tired before you even get up in the morning.

Mr. Resentment Pay close attention to how he handles your accomplishments. If you get a promotion with a raise and he breaks it down to show you how it really only amounts to six dollars a day after taxes, that's the first strike. When he uses any expression like "your little project," count that as two.

Just because men are having a hard time adjusting to the idea that women are capable breadwinners doesn't mean you have to martyr yourself into helping them make the transition. There are men out there who are more than happy to bask in the glow their women cast and to consider your talents a positive reflection on them.

The Virtual Lover What a relief it is when a man doesn't try to force you into bed on the first date. How charmed you are when, on the third date, he says he wants to wait until "you both can't stand it anymore." How sympathetic you become when, on the sixth date, he tells you how badly he was hurt by your predecessor. How confused you are six months later when you've realized his pager goes off every time you get naked, but he's still sending you roses and talking teddy bears.

A surprising number of great romancers out there never get around to having sex. To the date-weary woman, this can seem like not the worst combination, but beware. Eventually he will blame his problems on the smell of your breath or the size of your thighs.

The Guy Who Had the Happiest Childhood This Side of the Beav His mother was perfect; his father never smoked or drank or cheated. He hates the way his friends blame their parents for everything, when he and his seven brothers and sisters had love pouring down on them from the moment they woke in the morning until they went to bed.

However refreshing this might sound the first time you hear it, listen carefully for a voice that is trying to convince itself, listen for the creak and crack of a personal mythology in the throes of shattering. When it comes crashing to the ground, it's going to make a very big noise, and most likely your relationship will come crashing down with it.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Stop Beating Yourself Up for Being Fat!!!

-->Let's go back to the era when Boticelli chicks were the ideal.

Ladies, this is your mother speaking:

"Stop it with the fat silliness!! You look like a twig, I could split you in two. Have another brisket! My baby is gawgous, completely."

And is this familiar? The stereotypical conversation that every man dreads -

Wife: "How do I look? Do these pants make my butt look big? Come on, be honest, I won't get upset."

Hubby: "You look....uhh...fine. (Nervous laughter) Maybe the other pair looked a little better..."

Wife: "Fine?? FINE???? Other pair??? I'll give you another pair!!"

How many times have you ignored your mother, your significant other and your friends who told you that no, you are not an obese boar rooting around in the mud. And no, you are not a blubbery whale wearing bubby underwear. Okay, maybe you shouldn't have had that third bag of party mix (heavy on the Bugles) while watching Project Runway, and you could stand to lose, oh, 7lbs. and 3oz, but you are far from obese. In fact, you look good. Damn good! Work it, girl!

Scientists are now with your family and friends. Revolution News reports that worrying about being obese could actually be more detrimental to your health that actually being obese. This is because the stress of fretting about your oozing thighs and jiggly love handles leads to high blood pressure and diabetes, while actually being overweight/obese just leads to looking bad in bicycle shorts.

(I just had to bring up the bicycle shorts!)

Seriously though ladies, and I am guilty of this too, we have to stop being so hard on ourselves. We're worrying so much about being thin that we're literally making ourselves sick. Let's stop buying in to the Hollywood airbrushing and give ourselves a little more leeway. Truthfully, men prefer a warm something to pinch rather than a cold bone.

Speaking of men, do you think they're crying into their Coronas about the extra 15 pounds they've gained since college? Do you see them worrying when they take their third helping of Carvel ice cream cake?? Or their 37th buffalo wing, for the love of G-d???? No, they're patting their fat, saggy bellies with satisfaction!!

So kick back and have a cupcake! Have two! (Actually, let's not get carried away here. And make that first cupcake lowfat.)

And we can use the extra time we save from not fretting over the scale to get our zaftig butts over to the gym.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Women, heave a sigh of relief: There's a new way to freeze your eggs!

PRNewswire details how, thanks to the miracle of new technology, the timeline for freezing healthy unfertilized eggs for reproductive purposes has been markedly extended.

A Pacific Fertility Center (PFC) has accomplished this through the development of an oocyte vitrification program, a new, alternative method for freezing oocytes (i.e. eggs and embryos for the non-clinical folks). While it has been possible to preserve sperm for many years (the famed Dutch microscopist Antony von Leeuwenhoek allegedly cooled and then recovered sperm using snow and ice in the 17th century - which sounds a little icky to me), reliable methods for preserving unfertilized eggs have been elusive - until now!

The study enjoyed a success rate 0f 70% , as 7 out of 10 embryos implanted after transfers to 6 recipients. This is exciting because the rate is comparable to the implantation rates seen with donor oocytes which were not cryopreserved, as was traditional.

The PFC cautions, however, that the study was undertaken on young donors in their 20's who were known to be fertile and healthy. Not to worry though - they are doing another study on older, thirtysomething women to make sure they obtain the same results.

Check out all the sexy developments here.

Allow me to draw some conclusions:
1. Twentysomething ladies worried about spinsterhood can delay by a few years, since they can do a new Dr. Evil maneuver.
2. This conclusion might apply to the eggies of older ladies in their 30's. Time will tell.
3. Technology is cool.
4. Babies are alot of work, so be sure you're ready.

For all the men in the audience worried about their genetic sell-by date, a friend of mine told me about a new phenomenon called 'Renting Wombs.' I'm sure you can find it on Craigslist!

The Launch of Anatomy of a Woman

Hello to the ladies and gents who came on my recommendation, stumbled in here or just surfed on in! I have been on a blogging hiatus for almost a year now, but the time has come for me to come roaring back!

This time around, rather than being all snarky just in the name of fun, I've decided to combine my two passions: writing to make people laugh/learn and women's health! That's right, I've finally decided to focus on my writing career exclusively, and will be using this blog as a launchpad to make a name for myself in the industry.

Or at least make a name for myself in the blogosphere...perhaps by being famous among a select few?

I also know that women's health isn't necessarily a funny topic per say (or is it Per Se, as in the NY hotspot?), but I'm sure I can insert my unique humor and perspective regarding the issues of the day.

I hope you will come to use this site as a reference, and that you come back and visit often. I'd love to hear from you, so feel free to comment or email me with suggestions!

Thank you for your support, and I look forward to a long and fruitful relationship with you, my public!